...and who am I to argue with a short-arsed Emperor? Especially now that I'm the proud, if temporary, owner of a corner shop. Harold's Larder is at the corner of Lyddle End and the future, and I'm charged with the task of bringing the establishment up-to-date. The date being 2050.
The deadline's tight so I'm taking this very seriously and have pulled in my best team: Me, Noah (aged 6) and Seth (aged 3). What is the future for the corner shop? Over the last 20 years or something, we've witnessed the steady decline of the small shop with the evil, all-powerful supermarkets muscling-out the independents. In a pessimistic moment I could imagine The Larder succumbing to such pressure with Harold selling-out, buying a yacht and sailing off with his mail-order bride. Out goes the cosy corner shop and with it the cornerstone of the community. In comes TescoMicro and the continuing and insidious sterilisation of the British way of life.
But ever the optimist, perhaps there's a different fate ahead. What with the credit crunch (of 2038-41), the newly declared British State of Independence, the Anti-Motor riots of the previous Summer and the legislative power of the "Local for Local" Bill of 2043 perhaps 2050 could witness a corner shop renaissance. With supermarkets abandoned now that we've rejected the car (and can only get there by cat sleigh) what we really need is top-notch food stuff on our doorstep...or rather, over our doorstep, down the road just a bit and in through the tinkling door of the re-established pillar of the future-community; complete with organic aduki beans, home knitted muesli and a teleportation kiosk to smash us into eight mega-xillion micro-particles, blast us into a parallel universe, where we're reassembled perfectly to lounge around a beach warmed by three non-UV-emitting suns.
It's either that or the world turns to shit and The Larder gets nuked...Now, where's that lump hammer...
